Thunder Pear Publishing: Party in Place Memo
Firstly, Grant, sorry to hear you were selected to work in one of our less scenic remote locations, the Cursed Caves of Caperwalt. While most of the company is telecommuting, there are a few policies and ancient rites that demand at least one member of Thunder Pear Publishing present at all times. I myself have been moved to a remote tropical island with a self-proclaimed deity who insists on endless decadent food and drink. We all have to do our part in times of crisis.
It would be disingenuous to say any part of this is business as usual, but at least on the memo front things are as expected. Given that you are now isolated, with only the chattering dead to speak with, perhaps this is the time to rise up and actually do the job properly, only making the edits requested and sending it back over directly to me, and me alone. If we’re already coping with catastrophe, I feel within my rights to expect a few miracles as well.
Good Morning out there Thunder Pear Publishing employees! This marks another week’s start to our remote working conditions, and much as I know we’re all worried in these hectic times, I should report the good news that our maintenance staff has never been happier. Here in HR, we have been in frequent contact with Mr. Hayes as he works constantly to not only keep us running, but thriving despite the current health crisis.
That said, as you might expect given what’s on the agenda this week, today’s email is not specifically about work. At least, not directly. Mr. Hayes considers working at Thunder Pear Publishing to be more than just doing the actual job you’re tasked with; he believes the ambiance, activities, and community to be vital in retaining our unique outlook in the publishing world. That is why this week we will be holding our first ever Thunder Pear Publishing Remote Company Party. Most of the information you’ll need to access the event is detailed on the calendar listing, however there are some last minute issues to address as we all get ready for our upcoming festivities.
1. Please remember that this event will be remote access only, our main offices will remain closed. Even if you possess individual talents, talismans, or other immunity-rendering options, you might still act as a carrier, so we have to stick hard on this point above all others. That said, all remote access options are on the table, meaning teleconferencing, astral projection, VR deep-dive, mind-walking, and any other non-physical method are all valid. Grant, as a side-note, if you do try to go the astral route, make sure you avoid Break Room 2. The ghost in there will be tangible for you in that form, and he loathes other spirits in his territory. Last time someone wandered in they stank of ghost pee for months.
2. Your individual refreshment packages will be arriving the day of the party, and not a moment sooner. While it’s not that Mr. Hayes doubts your collective level of self-control, he is also keenly aware of the kinds of people he’s hired through the years. You are certainly under no obligation to finish the entire assortment of wine, beer, spirits, and rich food during our remote party; in fact given the size of them it would be borderline illegal to suggest you even try, however the goal is for us to at least begin the celebration as one. Your specific requests have also been received, and all of the specified “supplemental” party favors except Iosco have been obtained. Mr. Hayes’ attempts to purchase the final component have consistently been met with spaced out trips through the desert culminating in combat with cacti.
3. The remote party games will commence promptly at 4. Those wishing to compete in the Home Scavenger Hunt, let us know if you require any non-standard materials. Although many of the required pictures to send in are simple enough, such as forks balanced atop a salt shaker using nothing more than toothpicks, many of the higher-point value ones can be trickier. As an example, filling a bathtub with flames would demand extensive fire-safety training and combustible materials for anyone who hasn’t delved into the arcane side of the business. Please do keep in mind that all prizes (except for cash) earned during the competition will be held until business resumes, so those who earn promotions will not lose the time with perk access while we’re away.
4. For any who wins a cash prize during the party, those will be paid out by the next morning. Do keep in mind that some of the Thunder Pear Publishing funding model is not what we might call industry standard. Those of you newer to the company will likely find the money waiting in your bank account via direct deposit, however our more veteran employees should be prepared to keep an open eye. Heads up on this one, Grant, you’ve been around long enough to be in that later group. I’d add more detail here, but the only times we’ve had people get paid like this was during a hurricane that flooded the facility for a month. I woke up one day to a briefcase full of cash, covered in blue sand. Sara found a gold bar in the middle of her kitchen sink. Try and fill this out more to make sure people are getting the message, I’d hate for someone to not notice their winnings.
5. Remember that there will be several virtual streams running at any given time, as people’s party preferences change through the night feel free to jump around. Currently known options are a shared digital theatre with a constant stream of bad action movies, a dance club where you and your avatar can cut a rug, a contest room hosting our various games through the night, an endless trivia room, one forum playing only melancholy music for anyone wishing to get maudlin, and, of course, an endless run of Power Hours. Mr. Hayes has also teased a few “surprise” options, and appears to have been dressing dozens of mannequins in elaborate outfits, so on that front we all truly face the unexpected.
6. Should you need anything from the office prior to our event, or in general, it is important to note that the main building is now closed to most Thunder Pear Publishing staff. That’s putting it mildly, without many humans around, the unseen elements have really been slithering out into the open. Drill this point in, Grant, we definitely do not want anyone coming back in before Mr. Percival has gotten everything in order. All requests should be sent to your supervisor, who will dispatch an appropriate force to deliver whatever you need. Try not to make eye contact with who or whatever arrives, though. Some of them are quite skittish.
7. As most of you should know, promptly at 8 o’clock will be the big event of the night: our Thunder Pear Publishing Digital Melee. Word is that the game is nearly finished being tested, with only minimal bugs and reality breaking side-effects. For any who missed the earlier memos, this is where everyone will have twenty minutes to customize their character’s abilities before getting dropped into a Battle Royale style game with the biggest prizes on the line. Cash, salary bumps, benefits, even a full year of executive promotion for the champion. However, as we are still encouraging some work to get done in this frantic time, there is an added layer to the game. Everyone who turns in a fully reviewed manuscript before the party will have one additional random useful item gifted to their character before the match begins. We encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity to give yourself the best chance possible. Heaven knows all of us in HR have. I’m crossing my fingers to get the Helldeath Launcher. Don’t skip on this, Grant. With the prizes we’ve got floating, these people will come armed to the teeth.
8. Last, but certainly not least, please make sure there are no barriers of salt, blood, horseshoes, or other wards blocking your front door during the party. Many of the deliveries will have to go through Thunder Pear Publishing’s unique capabilities, some of which can be disrupted by such arcane blockades. We want everyone to have an amazing time while staying safe at home, so leave your door clear and don’t pay too much attention if it seems like some of the shadows nearby have shifted position. Unless all of the shadows convalesce into a single entity, then we would recommend reaching out to Mr. Percival immediately. That one isn’t with us. Try and add some emphasis on the bit at the end, the combined shadow is really one to watch out for. It’s pure conjecture, but some of us think Sam Goody accidentally summoned it up trying to get the upper-hand in our prank war. Given the bloody scene at their store a few weeks back, can’t imagine things went to plan.
Thank you all for your time, please keep an eye out for more emails coming through the week. Remember, stay safe out there, Mr. Hayes doesn’t want to have to replace any of you when things settle down. Grant, I hate to cut this short, but several of the shadows in my room just started to glob together, so go ahead and put together a nice wrap-up for me. Have to go dig through my bags for the enchanted mace before this thing is fully-formed. I wonder what kind of prize delivering this thing’s head will be worth? See you all remotely at the party on Friday, and no matter how bleak it gets out there, remember:
-Have fun!
-From the desk of Carol Dempsy, Thunder Pear Publishing HR Coordinator and Halloween Liaison.