The Holiday Baking Championship Drinking Game
That’s right, after all these years, finally a sequel to the House Hunters Drinking Game. And boy howdy, have I got a good one for you today. An excellent option that spans across the seasons, remaining consistent yet variable in each incarnation. I don’t know why I’m playing aloof, you already know the program based on the blog title.
Today we’ll be talking about Holiday Baking Championship (HBC) and the subsequent drinking game my friends and I have developed for it. For those of you who’ve missed this one, it’s a show on Food Network that shifts with the seasons. Halloween Baking Championship, Spring Baking Championship, etc. The version spanning November and December is the Holiday Baking Championship, and overall the best incarnation of the show. Teams of bakers compete in a variety of baking/decorating challenges, judged by three experts in the culinary field, with one team being eliminated every episode until the last one is standing.
If you’ve watched a cooking contest in the last decade, and if you haven’t then tell me your secret, then you can already build the general scaffolding of the contest in your head, they’re not really striving to break new ground. The show itself is simple, minimal drama, and judged (at least on HBC) by three people who have a friendly dynamic. It’s largely a charming program to relax to… that one can also construct an easy drinking game around.
As we roll into the holiday season and you’re forced to hunt for shows the whole family can enjoy, this is one to keep as your ace in the DVR. It’ll keep everyone distracted, and give you a game to play while the sober folks are entranced by the sparkling sugar.
1. Lame host jokes. I mean, you have to, really. A lot of the hosts chosen for this series are genuinely funny (the Halloween one especially) but they’re also all saddled with delivering the occasional groaner. That’s the thankless job of the straight-man in comedy, you set a milquetoast baseline that helps everyone else stand out all the more. Honor their efforts by tilting your glass; plus, it makes the jokes a lot funnier after you get through a few.
2. Duff’s over-sized bites. As mentioned, every Baking Championship has three judges, and HBC tends to have the same three: Nancy Fuller, Duff Goldman, and Lorraine Pascale. I bring that up because this rule is judge specific. Duff has a tendency to really go in for the baked good they’re evaluating, he almost always gets a mouthful. Sometimes, however, they go so large as to fall into the bounds of comedy, and that’s your cue to tip one back. This one is open to judgement, so the general rule is if you laugh, gasp, or otherwise take note of the bite, then it’s big enough to warrant a drink.
3. Contestant Quirks. This one is fairly self-explanatory, much like in the House Hunters game, the folks selected for this show will often have… eccentricities, or aspects that make them especially interesting. It’s a TV show, after all. Some might dress like they’re cosplaying a leprechaun for no apparent reason, go on long, worryingly strange monologues about their past, or just straight up keep making muffins regardless of what the challenge states. Identify these early, and track them through the season. It adds a bitter sweetness to each elimination, as you might lose not only a favorite competitor, but also a favorite rule.
4. The Fake-Out. At least once an episode they’ll play tense, heavy music, like the judges are about to fall upon what’s presented to them with the fury of a deposed god, only for them to sing praises to the high heavens. Don’t get too excited and drink early though, they’ll use the same sound cues right before they actually do drop the hammer on someone.
5. Lorraine wants more ginger. Our second Judge specific rule, you can technically apply it whenever she asks for more of any flavor, doubly so if it’s one the baker was required to include. I’ve seen an episode where someone put ginger into their cake in no less than three different forms, only for Lorraine to say she liked it, just needed a tad more ginger. On the other hand, if she actually says something has enough ginger, that’s at least a triple drink, if not a glass-finisher.
6. Someone “forgot” the twist. During the baking phase of every episode, the host will come out to unveil a twist. They range from “add an edible bow” to “incorporate fish paste into your already baking cake” in difficulty, yet without fail every episode it plays the same. Host arrives, camera cuts to a close-up on a baker saying some variation of “Oh no, I forgot about the twist” which sort of loses believability after the third episode. At a certain point, you have to wonder if there’s a chemical leak in that kitchen, it shouldn’t be that easy to keep slipping people’s minds.
7. The shitshow. Some of the fun of these programs isn’t just in watching things go well; there is a part of us entertained by seeing a fuckup. The creators of the show know this, and when they have footage to work with, they do so liberally. You’ll often see the foreshadowing of shit going way wrong early on, feel free to take guesses and even make bets. Half the fun is in the guessing, the rest is seeing the topple.
8. Host bite. On occasion, the dish that’s been prepared is so delicious or note-worthy, the cameras will show the judge giving the show’s host a bite. I tend to assume he can try whatever he wants during the show, this is mostly the editors putting an exclamation point on how amazing one particular piece was. Because these are so rare, treat them as a triple drink, although maybe give one to a friend if you’re drinking something really good.
9. Nancy and her booze. Much like Lorraine and ginger, Nancy has a passion for baked goods with a touch of the ole hooch added in. Well, perhaps more than a dash, though it is possible to go to hard on this one. The rule here is just to drink every time Nancy comments on the amount of booze in a baked good, be it complaint or compliment. Only once per dish, though, otherwise it this rule can get dangerous.
10. Clean plate club. Given how many sweets the judges have to eat in a single sitting, its no shock they tend to only take bites of most of the food presented. That said, when something is truly special, they will indulge and polish off the entirety of their servings. This magical event is cause for a drink, with one significant addendum: the rule applies to every judge except Duff, since he (man after my own heart) tends to eat everything by default. Outside that caveat, you can pretty much apply it to any Baking Championship, Holiday or otherwise.
I hope this adds a little fun to your family background TV, or a structured way to get tipsy if you’re being driven up the walls. As for me, its time to crack a drink and fire up the old remote. HBC season six debuted this week, let’s get festive!