Top Chop!
Cheery music bursts from the speakers as bright lights rise on a stage blazing with colors. Pastels reign supreme, yet there are occasional pops of neon and chrome across the massive set, identical cooking positioned at careful intervals. As the music dims slightly, an announcer’s voice break through.
“Welcome to another episode of Top Chop! The show where we scour the world for those most adept with a blade, then test how those skills hold up in a culinary arena. Identities are concealed from the judges to ensure no awards or prestige can sway their choices, making sure everything is all about the food. In today’s exciting conclusion of last week’s episode, the contestants are working on samples of their tasting menus, trying to be selected as team lead for a wedding they’ve all been hired to cater. Let’s go down to the floor and see how everyone is doing.”
The screen suddenly changes, now showing a huge man in overalls, wearing some sort of sports-themed mask and dicing up something on his cutting board with a machete. Whatever meat it once was is completely indiscernible, sliced to the point of being mashed, as he lifts the cutting board and slides the gooey mess into a simmering pot on the stove. It lands with a dull plop, prompting commentary from the announcer. “I know we’re all excited to taste Contestant A’s ‘Campfire Chili’, supposedly his signature dish. I asked him backstage for the secret ingredient, all I got was one word though: fear. Seems like this chili will be sounding more than a mere five alarms, can’t wait to see how it turns out.”
When the view cuts to a new cooking station, for a moment it appears to be empty. Then, there is a crackle of static in the center of the frame as a form fades into view. Floating three full feet from the ground, details are hard to make out about the woman aside from her dark hair and flowing dress. On her station, three knives sing through the air, seeming to move of their own accord. As a trio, they are slicing apart a large tuna, showing great care to preserve the meat.
“Contestant C is going with a duo, though I don’t have the details on the other half just yet. When asked backstage, she didn’t respond, but the words ‘Earth and Surf’ appeared in blood on the wall nearby, so I’d wager we’ll be seeing more than the usual lobster atop a steak. Speaking of steaks, why don’t we go ahead and take a look at Contestant F.”
A new cooking station appears on screen, manned by another large fellow, but one who preferred a brown workman’s jumpsuit as his go-to fashion move. His mask was different as well, not plastic or themed to any sport, it appeared closer to a facsimile of another face on top of his own, one that was partially decomposed.
“There he is, Contestant F, who has been talking a mighty big game about his barbeque in the shared house. Safe to say if he doesn’t deliver on this challenge, Contestant F is getting Top Chopped!”
Contestant F was unbothered by the words, if he could even hear them. From below his station, he’d pulls out a dirty chainsaw, and was now advancing on an already butchered pile of pig parts. Evidently, they had not been cut to his liking, as the chainsaw’s greasy motor roars to life.
The view changes to another cooking station, however there was still a spray of annihilated pork visible just at the edge of the screen. For a moment, the next contestant appears to be headless, but as the camera adjusts it becomes clear that the pale man dressed in the spindly suit was merely too tall to fit in frame.
“Contestant D is taking the slow and steady approach, putting the ovens through their paces as he works on his cake. While we still haven’t been able to get much out of him on the details, based on ingredients I think it’s safe to say there will be a definite fruit theme.”
In front of Contestant D rests a large pile of berries, each one being carefully sliced into a pattern with a small blade, almost a scalpel. Considering the delicate work and the size of the pile, such a task should take well past their allotted time, yet he quietly presses on with incredible dexterity in those long, thin fingers.
Another wide shot, this time showing the full range of competitors still in the game. They were all working hard as a bright red light began to flash overhead, causing the attention of most to suddenly leave their culinary efforts.
“Uh oh folks, you know what that signal means! It looks like the contestants are about to deal with this week’s Distraction Challenge. Who will be able to keep their head in the game and see their dishes to completion, and who will prove unable to resist our tantalizing distraction?”
Huge steel doors at the back of the stage part, revealing five figures stepping forward. They are not dressed for camera, clad instead in hiking gear and covered in dust and sweat, as if they’ve been trekking through the hot sun for hours. All of them look confused, but it is the largest who steps forward and speaks, waving a sun-baked map around. “Whoa, sorry to interrupt whatever is going on, but would anyone here mind giving us directions? Some old lady at the last trail marker said to follow the left path, then we went into a cave, through a weird stone arch, and now we’re here. Pretty sure we took a wrong-”
Three blades lodged in his torso suddenly end his appeal for help, as Contestant C floats nearby. With a wave, her knives pluck themselves from the bleeding body, taking aim at the remaining four strangers. Before she can strike, there is a horrible crashing sound as Contestant A runs over, smashing through several pieces of set-decor in the process.
Sharing a collective scream, the other four break, racing around the studio, only one thinking to try and head back through the steel doors, which are now locked. Their terror only seems to draw more attention, several contestants couldn’t help glancing between their dish and the yelling annoyances racing around the kitchen.
“Who will give in and indulge, who will put everything in their dish, and when the dust settles, who will be Top Chopped today? Find out after this, and many more to follow, commercial break.”