Fictional Speed Dating
You step through the door, trying not to make too much eye contact with the rest of the crowd, despite the reason you’re here. How you even found this place, you can’t quite be sure. The address simply was there this morning, after an evening of late-night channel surfing you don’t entirely recall. Nevertheless, your mind wasn’t imagining the occasion, there are far too many other people present, some in very curious outfits for the event, though.
“Evening everyone, I’m Ms. Pumblechook, and I would like to thank you all for coming out to our very special singles mingling event. I know some of you have traveled from worlds away to be here tonight, and sincerely appreciate the effort you have shown, along with your faith in me to deliver.”
The woman speaking stands atop a small stage, dressed in an elegant gown of whites and pinks, clearly chosen for the holiday. With a graceful hand, she gestures to a table draped in snow-white linen.
“As you arrive, please take an assigned number. We’ll begin shuffling you all around shortly. After you start, the dates will last until you hear a ding, at which point it will be time for a new conversational partner. Please make note of the numbers you connect with most, and if there’s any matches in the end, we’ll send you both starting contact information for one another. Good luck out there everyone, I hope tonight is when you find your true love.”
Hurriedly, moving mostly on automatic at this point, you join the short line and get a number, quickly realizing most of the others already have there’s. It’s a good thing you move fast, because headset wearing assistants are already getting everyone into position.
Ding!
019 certainly has a mood to him. Between the stubble that looks like it could scrape steel, the cool faded blue of his eyes, and his overall glower, you have trouble finding a conversational starting point.
“Do you like to travel?” It’s as bland an opening as you can get, while still probing to get to know them.
He stares off into the distance, a sense of longing hanging off him as clearly as the faded duster. “Once, maybe. Done too much of it, for far too long.”
“Um, okay, how about animals?”
“I liked a hawk once.”
Ding!
“So, I take it you’ve dated before?”
It’s a bit of an obvious opener, given that the woman, 861, is clad in a full wedding dress. You might be more concerned about the implications of that, were it not in such a clear state of disrepair. If she ran off from a wedding, it was a wedding at least a few decades past, which doesn’t explain the curious fashion choice.
“The clocks in here are all wrong. They should be stopped, promptly before the nine-o-clock hour.” She waves over a small young girl, whispers something in her ear, and then the child scampers off. Not very far, though, as she finds a boy near her own age, and begins to whisper something in his ear before tripping him over a potted plant.
“That one has a lot of potential,” 861 remarks. She takes a drink of her cocktail, forming an expression that’s as close to a smile as you’ve seen so far.
Ding!
How, exactly, did they let a guy with a sword strapped on into this place? Did no one in security think it might be an issue? Granted, 605 is an older guy, and neither his blade nor his armor look to be in particularly good condition, but still, that has to be a safety concern.
“Any hobbies?” Definitely going to be LARPing, right?
Unlike the last two, there is nothing restrained about 605 as he responds. “Saving the innocent, protecting the weak, slaying of wicked men and monsters alike, such are the only true passions befitting a knight errant.”
Well, at least that’s not a horrifying answer, as much as it definitely is a confusing one. Before you can come up with another question, 605 leans in, gently taking your hand in his.
“Yet I must confess, before your heart grows entwined, that I cannot form a bond of love with you, for a knight must be devoted to the quest, and my own affections have already found roost far from these halls. I am here merely in pursuit of a fabled demon that prays upon the desires of the lonely. Fear not, for with me at hand you shall all be completely safe from-
Ding!
326 is a cut apart from the ones you’ve talked with so far. For one thing, she’s the first person you’ve met dressed like they were going to a speed dating event, her bloodred dress nearly matching the healthy glass of wine resting in her hand. She examines you before she sits, like she can calculate you down to the ounce with a single glance.
“Do you have ambition?” This time, she’s the one who gets the opening line. There’s a heaviness to it, as well, like a challenge that must be cleared before progress can be made.
“Enough to be here, going after what I want.”
A long drink of her wine, and at last, she deigns to join you at the table. “It’s a start. You should know something about me: I am focused, determined, and have no tolerance for hesitation. I’ve been married before, it did not end well, but I am capable of learning from my mistakes. Next time, I will not try to elevate another to power, I will seize it for myself.”
A delicate finger runs up your arm, chilling you slightly. “That said, I do know the importance of support behind the scenes. I think, if I can find someone on the same page as me, there need be no limits on either of our ambitions.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
You look over to the main table, wondering what is happening, only to find 605 fighting some lady with cosplay horns, getting his head smacked into the bell over and over. Already, there are other bodies shifting, moving toward the fray. At the edge of the room, you’re pretty sure you catch 019 pulling a six-shooter, wait… a gun? Holy hell, this place really has no security.
Ducking down, you crawl toward the door, bumping into a pair of black boots along the way. Peering up, you find yourself staring into a hoodie too shadowy to see the face inside, wearing a nametag with the numbers “000”. For a moment, your breath catches, until the form steps around you and walks toward the chaos.
Bolting out into the night, it isn’t until you’re ten blocks away that you remember those people still have all your contact information. Might be time to get new locks for the doors, or maybe some sort of home defense product. You feel like you’ve seen those somewhere before, even if you can’t quite recall where.